I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
