How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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