careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
