Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
