I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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