My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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