It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
