I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
