Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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