you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
