My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
