Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
