You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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