Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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