My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
