You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just invented taco cereal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
