I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
