recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize