census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
