why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
