you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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