No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
