It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
