My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
