Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
