Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
