hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
