Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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