Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
