we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
