Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize