he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
