I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
