Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
