I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
