we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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