If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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