You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
