I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
