Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
