gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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