I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
