I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
