some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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