i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
