He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
