..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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