Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize