He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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