pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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