'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
