I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
