he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
