So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
