If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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