Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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