I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
