Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
