just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
