I think I died a long time ago.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just invented taco cereal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
