Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
