I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
