i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
