I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
sarcasm needs its own font
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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