Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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