Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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