So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
