i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
