Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
