Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize