i can't believe i had my finger in that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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