Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
