Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
