3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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