So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
