they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
two words: eviction party
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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