who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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