just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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