you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
